Just my thoughts!

9 Oct

I am also one among the many students to leave my home for further study in hopes of getting a different way of education, experiencing new things and seeing a different life. What I do not like is the way people think about this. Majority of the ones who are eager to take up on the journey view it as a chance of better life, a joyous and comfortable life. I have been asked so many times about how is the life here: is it easy? No. Okay, it is not easy but not so hard right? Even if it is bit difficult, you still can go to the beach, have access to fast internet all the time, have much more fun than at home, can work and earn loads, right? And, I do not know how to answer to that. People have asked me how much I earn here. I tell them and they say “wow, it takes us a month or more to make what you can make there in a week”. But, what they do not understand is it takes me the same to spend that as well, even less to be truthful. And, I am not saying that spend on clothes and all, it is spent on the daily expenses. The first few days of getting here are the hardest, you miss home, you want to go back, you KNOW you can not, all the friends you know here are busy in their lives, you are free all day but no-one else is to show you around, talking to your parents makes you sad, not talking to your parents makes you sad. After these days, then comes the wave of worry. Where am I going to live? This accommodation is only temporary (if it is not temporary, you are luckier than most). How will I think of the uni fees? How am I going to find work? When will I start working? Will I be able to work? Will I be able to study? Why is everything so expensive here? How will I talk to people here? How will I learn the city, which road leads where? So many questions and you can answer none. Then, you start working and making your own life. New worries start now! Assignments! Tutorials! Lab reports! Quizzes! The system of education we have seen is one where you go to class for 7 hours, attend the lectures and study only for the exams. But now you have weekly or fortnightly submissions and, the hardest of all, plagiarism. All these new concepts hit you hard. As you are coping up with that and enjoying the end of semester as much as you can, census date (aka give all your money to the uni date) comes quietly and takes away all the happiness your good grades had brought. Most of the times, you hate your work but you have to do it. Unless you are among the kids of zillionaire family back home, you have to work thinking about your fees, your bills, your expenses and so on. Finally, all that work pays off and you are about to graduate! YAY! But, then all your relatives and friends back home start asking “So, what next?” “When are you coming back?”. And, you can not answer that either. Sure, I want to come home but can I? Sure, I want to have a good job that I got due to my qualifications instead of the part-time work I do but will I? You don’t want to continue working where you are working, you want to start something on your own or work as masters’ graduate somewhere. But, you have to. Sure, you will keep looking for opportunities but in the meantime you have to keep doing what pays the bills. The frustration that consumes you at this stage is so immense. You are faced with now-what’s everyday. Sometimes you can not sleep at night, your head starts pounding and all you can do is take some medicine and hope you will be able to get enough sleep before getting up for work tomorrow.

There are many people who might think, “It’s what you chose”, after hearing this kind of facts. I have seen people who taunt others who go overseas saying they ran away from their country, their home. People say you can not complain since you ran away, since staying in your own country was not good enough for you. Yes, I ran away. Yes, I did not want to stay back. I definitely wanted to leave. I am not ashamed or proud of that. And, no, I did not want to leave because the city was polluted; I had grown up in it. I did not want to leave because the country was corrupted; I had gotten used to it. I did not want to leave due to the electricity or water shortage; it had become a part of our lives. I left hoping for a different life, a life I would build for myself. I left hoping for a better education. I left hoping for a chance to survive on my own. I left to leave the comforts of my home and see what was out there. I had never been away from home before this, and I wanted to experience that. I left because I was tired of the way our outdated traditions were still gripping us. No matter how educated and qualified you are, no matter how broad-minded you think you are, people can not let go of the bad aspects of the culture they were brought up in. We are the part of culture where we have to think about what others think. We have to be very careful of what we wear, what we eat in order to avoid hearing negative comments. I did not like having to be careful about what I was going to wear and how people would talk about me. Because even if I wanted to not care, people still talked. Here, I can be all dolled up or I can wake up and leave home straight-away and no one would look at me twice. No-one cares what you are wearing or where you are working or how you are living your life. I am not saying I do not like our traditions and culture. I am simply saying that we still have not let go of the bad parts that are in it. Thankfully, my parents never craved for a son, me and my sister were good enough for them. Even in today’s modern Nepal, even to the educated people, my parents had to explain that their daughters were all they needed. Here, when people (excluding people from my and our neighboring country) ask me about my siblings and I tell them it is me and my sister, they do not ask “No brothers?”. There are so many other things that I wish would change back home.

Lets talk about another thing I absolutely can not stand that is a major issue back home. It is girls during their periods. Once again, thankfully I grew up in a household where my parents never told me or my sister not to touch something or not to go somewhere just because we were on our periods. Maybe that is the reason I never felt like it is a bad thing, something so horrific that you can not go to a temple or touch anything associated with God during that time. I do not think it is wrong of my grandmother to think like this or maybe even my mother, because that is what they were told as they were growing up. We, on the other hand, who were raised in the “modern-time”; it should be different for us. I mean we know what that is and why and everything. I do not understand why till this day all of my girlfriends think it is a sinful offence to go inside a temple while you are on your period. I mean, if you are really in a bad position in your life, do you not, in your heart, pray to God even though you are on your period? You do, you do pray and ask God for this and that. So, then why? Why can you not be a part of the festivities? Why is it such a bad thing to be touching just a mere representation? I keep saying this to my friends over and over but this is something where no-one is with me.

The other thing is all the caste-difference thing that is still prominent in our country. When I meet someone new, I ask for their name, and if they tell me their first name only, I definitely do not ask for their last. I know many people do this to maybe know more about the person (like maybe if they might have the same last name as one of their friends or something) but I have seen people who do this and evaluate people according to their surname (their caste). And, I hate that. I have seen “oh-so-educated-and-modern-people-with-a-higher-degree” regarding some castes as higher or better and some as worse. I have met some of the “really-talented-educated” people talking ill of people just because they have a certain surname. What is the point of being all-educated and everything if you are going to dwell on things like this? Me and my boyfriend are not from the same caste and many times this has made me very scared about our future. Because, I know it is a big thing back home and it might even be a deal-breaker in many cases (though not as much now-a-days). I fell in love with a person, not with his name or background or history or whatever! And, I ask myself, why should I be scared? We are both doing well in life (well, at least as well as we can), we are educated, self-sufficient and mature enough to take decisions. Then, why do I think like things would not go as smoothly as we want back home? Because, of the society we live in. Our parents would accept it, but there are others who would make it hard for them to take that decision. And, I really do hate that. Here, no one cares or asks about that. I know, why would they, they do not know about all the things that go in our society and I am happy for that. That is why I feel like life here is much easier in this sense, even though there are other problems. And, do not even get me started on the topic of weddings and people who are ever-so-keen to play the match-makers and wedding planners as soon as you graduate.

Whenever I talk to friends about problems back home, I talk of these things. I know there are others problems but the main one for me is holding on the things that we should not be holding on to. I just talked about few things I did not like personally. These thoughts and beliefs that are still present in our country acted as some factors that made me decide to go abroad. You can basically say I wanted the freedom in the way of living. I am not saying I do not like my home, my society or I wanted to run away from them. All, I want to say is that there were certain things that I really could not stand and I wanted to be free of them. Life is hard for everyone everywhere, then why make it harder by all these extra unnecessary things? I talk like this and many people have regarded me as I am out of my mind to be saying all this. It all should change with the way you think; our lifestyle has changed a lot now-a-days but the way we think not so much. And, one more thing. Many people ask me in a sort-of-patronizing tone, “So, you want to stay there even after finishing your studies? You are not going to return for good?”. How can I not want to? If you came here to study by yourself, worked your way to the uni, not on a scholarship so that you did not have to work not just for your living but for the skyrocketing uni fees as well, you will not be content to return immediately after your graduation. You know how hard you have worked, and I mean literally worked, and that changes your way of thinking. I do not want to come back for good yet. No, I did not do all the things that I have done ever since coming here just to return after my graduation. Simple as that. What I am writing is all jumbled and out of track and many things in one post but I have been wanting to write about this for so long. And, when I started writing about one thing, others kept popping in my head and then it got all jumbled. But, anyway, that is the way I feel.


Red pawpaw box July

15 Aug

I wrote this more than a month ago and forgot to publish it!

Yay! The first red pawpaw box is here :D. I got the box yesterday morning around 7.40 am (way too early for my day off if you ask me considering I heard the doorbell and had to get up). The packaging looks cute; it is a big box with red sides and the name written on it. Nothing fancy but the font looks adorable. I found about this subscription through a blog post. I was just looking for some Australian subscription boxes and saw this one. At first I thought it was a health and beauty box since the name was Red pawpaw and you know the ever-so-wonderful Lucas pawpaw ointment comes in a red tube. How wrong I was! To be honest, what attracted me was the price. I was looking for beauty boxes not household and grocery ones but I saw it was only $5 :O! Talk about cheap! I later realized shipping was yet to be added to that bringing the total to $12.5 but even then it was a really affordable thing. I think I had to wait for like a month for the subscription to be available. I wanted a monthly one but all they had was annual and turns out in annual, you get a month for free so no complaints there. And, do not think that I was like, “Wow, a $5 box, I have to get this”, and got it without any information. On the contrary, I did a thorough research! These past few weeks, I have been checking so many youtube reviews about some many products that I rarely go out to buy something new without watching like 10 videos about it. So, I checked some reviews and the more recent ones I watched, the more impressed I was. Frankly speaking, I was shocked seeing the items in the box. I mean it is a $5 box! And, my first box was awesome. I have added a picture of the box to see how it looks like. 

The box looks like this. Looks nice even though it is just a box!

The box looks like this. Looks nice even though it is just a box!

Talking about what was actually inside, there were a lot of products in there and it was not like “Oh, this is good-for-nothing item, we would not use this one ever”. There was one item that I was not too excited to receive but that is just my personal thought. The picture of the contents is attached below and you can see quite a lot of things already. This is not all by the way, other things were hidden below. 

A snap of the products that were inside. I did not take picture of every single item, just one like this.

A snap of the products that were inside. I did not take picture of every single item, just one like this.

The things that I received were:

  1. Lipton Sparkling Iced tea (Original) 440ml
  2. Mt. Franklin Sparkling water (with a hint of lemon and raspberry essence) 1.25l
  3. Mugshot noodles sachet (1 serve) 54g
  4. The Little Brownie Company Triple choc fudge brownies mix 560g
  5. Saxa Smoked cyprus salt (in a grinder) 45g
  6. Saxa Iodised sea salt flakes (in a box) 112g
  7. Chux Magic eraser 8 mini blocks trial pack
  8. Nature valley Granola bar (Coconut crisp) 42g
  9. WeightWatchers Fruit jelly with peaches (2 pack) (2*120g)
  10. Arnott’s Vita wheat lunch slices (Soy linseed and sesame) 220g
  11. Uncle tobys crunchy triangles (chocolate) (2 trial packs)
  12. Fountain Tomato sauce 500ml

So as you can see, there were 12 products and just two of them were trial packs. Well there is only one granola bar pack so we might consider that a trial as well (since it is sold in a pack of 6 or 12). We were not given a list with prices of these things but definitely they are worth a lot more than $12.5. I was not too happy about the sparkling water since I do not like sparkling water. But, the other things were great. We did not have tomato sauce at our home and now we got one, so yay us! And, I really love the diced fruit in jelly of juice or anything but we usually do not go over to that aisle and buy it while shopping so another win for me. Arnott’s Vita wheat lunch slices (they are big biscuits), oh I love it. In fact, I just had that for lunch. I love these kind of biscuits, the cracker types, not sweet, not salty, just perfect. All in all, I was really happy with the box. It is a great way to try out new products which I would never have though of buying otherwise. The Saxa smoked cyprus salt, I would have never picked that up but now I get to try it and if I like it, I can buy more of it. The sachet noodles is also not something I would have picked on my own. And, I think I would always love the normal Lipton iced tea better than the sparkling ones but it still is a great way to try it out. I would highly recommend this box since you get your money’s worth. Well, this is just my first box but seeing the previous boxes and with my personal experience, you can not go wrong trying this one out. 

My scarfy woes!

19 Jun

One whole week of staying indoors really made me forget that the cold is taking over. And, in melbourne, cold just does not mean cold. It means the bone-chilling, angry, ever-blowing wind that ruins your hair, that keeps hitting you in the face and just does not go away! Now, if it were the early morning, I would have remembered to wear a scarf as a sensible person would do. But, since I had not felt the wind’s anger in the confines of my room, I thought my parka would be good enough. The only good decision I made was to wear my sneakers not the ballet flats because my feet just would have died in the flats. It is not like it is not cold indoors, it is but then it is not windy. And, on the top of that, our house is not normally cold. (On a totally different note, I just love the bus drivers who see you coming running behind the bus and stop for you when they have just left the stop. It might not be the lawful thing to do but it means so much to the person behind if they can just catch the bus and reach their uni in time. Ya, I am in the bus as I am writing this and this thing just happened so I wanted to include a little appreciation.) Going back to my previous topic, our house is actually built for winter. It does not get as cold as some other houses get. But, in summer! Lets just not talk about that. I do not want to think about that right now. All I wanted to say was I should have carried a scarf today and I ended up here. Since I have already included totally random things in this post, I would just add some more. This bus feels cold! I do not know why. It feels like there is a gust of wind coming from somewhere. I really wish the driver would turn the heating on. Literally everyone is wearing a scarf in this bus! How could I have been so stupid to forget mine? All I needed to do was check the weather before leaving home. But did I do that? No! I just hope I would be able to get a nice and warm bus during the return trip home. Oh my lovely scarves hanging in my wardrobe, I miss you lovelies so much. Remind me not to leave you behind again.

Exam-time craziness!

18 Jun

So this is going to be a quick short one. I really need to write this now as I am going crazy due to how this whole week has gone. I feel like I need to do something other than studying but at the same time the thing I am doing would not be counted as something to waste my time because if I mess up my exam I definitely do not want to be like “oh, why did I waste my time doing that that day when I should have been studying”! I know the sentence doesn’t sound right, it is too long to be sounding right but I really can not think right now. My brain just feels overloaded with stuff that should be there and that should not be there. And, it is not like this is the first time I am appearing in exams! I mean, I am not sure why am I even getting this anxious and all. This could very well be my last exam in fact, as in the last academic exam session of my life if I want it to be. And, never have I ever felt this restless. Maybe it is something to do with the fact that I have at home for a WHOLE WEEK! And, guess what I have been forcing myself to do this whole week. That is right, STUDYING STUDYING STUDYING (or at least trying to). Also, I did NOT work at all this week. Not that I planned not to, but I could not (minor medical reason). So, here is what I had planned for this past week: ‘Finish INE exam on wednesday and go to the city to enjoy your time. Start studying TSE from thursday and study it for 2 whole days. Go to work on the weekend and study during the evening time (if you can). Start CPE from monday and finish it by wednesday. Revise TSE again wednesday evening and revise CPE on thursday morning. Attend CPE exam on thursday, come home, try to revise TSE if you can, and appear on the exam on friday. Be free on friday, yay!’ But this is how it went: ‘Finish INE exam on wednesday and got to the city and have fun. Start studying TSE from thursday and study till friday.’ But all of a sudden, an exception to my well thought of plan. My shoulder hurts, my neck hurts, my bones hurt, my nerves hurt, sleeping is painful, eating is painful, breathing is painful! How can I go to work like this? So the routine goes: ‘Do not go to work on saturday, go to the clinic, get some medicine, come home and try to study TSE and hope you will be fine my tomorrow.’ Does not happen! So: ‘Do not go to work on sunday, stay at home and yet AGAIN TSE time’! This is just too much study break. An entire week! I started CPE on monday and now am again back to TSE and all those systems and all those nets and all those protocols are taking too much space in my head and I can not think. And, the reason I am frustrated so much is I had way too much time but even if I did not have this whole week to study, I would still have covered the topics I have covered now. I had a week but I skipped the diagrams and tables I was going to skip and covered the ones I was going to cover. So what was the benefit of staying home and seeing the slides each and every day? It only served to frustrate me even more. It is like I study today, tomorrow, day after tomorrow and day after that and the exam is so far I am just studying the same thing over and over again. If I could only finish these 2 exams! I would not mind studying for PND after this friday as it would be something new. But, to be going through same sets of slides over the week. I am ready to explode here. I have subscribed to almost 10 new youtubers in this week, bought a lot of stuff just because I was bored, joined so many new pages. I am actually watching videos on youtube and doing my make-up and hair in the evening and then removing it after 2 hours. And, I do NOT want to be checking youtube during my exam time. I have been watching so much tutorials and stuff that I am thinking about that even when I am about to sleep. And, since I have been confined to my home for the past week, I feel like it has been ages since I went to the city, or anywhere else. I am DYING to go out, have fun and at the same time not be worrying about my exams. My dear dear friday, you have to come soon. I wish I could just fall into a sleeping phase of some sort and wake up directly at 2.15 tomorrow. No reading time for me. I have no idea why they give us 15 minutes just to read the question paper! I mean how long does it take to read a question paper? Please please please, let it all be over soon. I can not study any more about petri nets, or protocol verification, or testing ,or TTCN, or ACPM, or radio links, or antennas, or link budget, or reliability, or economic evaluation, or RADAR, or Doppler, or GPS, or radio navigation, or frequency, or all the ranges and time and whatevers! I know I should be studying rather than writing this at the moment but how much can a girl take?

P.S.: Uh-oh, not a very short one, is it? But, it definitely was a quick one. The poor keyboard has suffered a lot a angry attacks in a short time.


6 Apr

Like every other fresh graduate, I had a dream of doing something right after completion of my bachelors course. And, I was almost sure that within 3 months I would have at least figured something out, may it be studying abroad or working somewhere. What I hadn’t expected was that I would be passing my days just by attending GRE classes, watching series at home and doing nothing else. During the time when I was doing GRE, I wasn’t much worried. I mean I was still attending classes. Okay, I wasn’t studying for the test at home or anything but at least, I was STUDYING! But then, after four long months (during which I still wasn’t sure what I wasn’t going to do), the classes were over as well. And, then came the time when I could no longer avoid the fact that I was still in the same stage where I was four months back. Everyone is really impatient to do something right after college, at least that’s what I think. With big hopes and dreams of a happy future, it feels like there is nothing you can’t do. But, then comes reality. And, it hits you hard in the face. I admit trying to get into the workforce straight-away was never what I wanted. I want to do my post-graduate study and I wanted to do it abroad. Four years of undergraduate course had already made me realize that I didn’t want to study at home. But, after hearing my elders’ thoughts, I started thinking that it would be good, better actually, to get a job in my field of study, broaden my knowledge, try to know more what I want to study in future and then only pursue further studies. So, I started looking for jobs. I dreamed of getting a job, going to work, coming home and then reading or watching some series, telling my parents about what happened at work and everything. I had even planned what I wanted to do with my first salary! My dream-world tends to get quite extensive once I start thinking about it. Obviously, none of it came true. But, I got a few workplace and interview experiences to share. And, let me tell you, none of it was pleasant! I felt humiliated, I almost broke down into tears right in front of some random person sitting behind the desk across me. Thinking back, I don’t feel bad about any of them now. In a way, I learnt a lot. I learnt that things don’t go as you plan them to go, you have to hear harsh words from the people you didn’t know, you have to toughen up to face whatever comes your way. Now if I think about those past experiences, I am filled with a different type of positive energy, like I would never let things like that happen again. So, I am, in a sense, glad for whatever happened at that time.

Thus, there went my dream of getting a job and doing all the things that I had planned. And, I went back to my first decision; abroad study, which also didn’t go as I had expected it to. Abroad study isn’t easy for people like me who are an average B grade student and who come from a middle-class background. I know people face many problems, might have to face rejections in several stages, might have to even divert from the path they wanted to continue on but at that time it felt like I was the only one who was getting all these problems. It’s common form of human nature, when something bad happens to you, you assume that it happens only to you and everyone else had it easy even though you don’t know their story. At one point, I even felt like I had hit the rock bottom; I had grown so pessimistic, I wanted to detach from everyone. I had started to feel that my life would be forever stuck in that stage, definitely not getting better, maybe just worse. I couldn’t sleep properly, I didn’t want to meet my friends or relatives, I didn’t want to go out, I didn’t want to do anything rather than stay in my own room. My visa process didn’t run smoothly due to so many reasons (read “due to irresponsible people not doing their job properly”). But, one thing that made it easy to get through all that was my parents’ constant support throughout that stage. They never did give up, they were in fact more worried than me about what would happen and tried so so hard to help me get what I wanted. Finally, all that paid off and off I flew. After coming here, all my previous worries and problems seemed laughable. I always knew life would be hard here but I didn’t have a clear idea of to what extent. I am like, “was I seriously thinking that my life was hard THEN?”. Still, I can’t say that I had a really difficult life after coming here. Of course there are some people who have had it much easier than me but there are others as well who had to go through so much more than I can ever imagine. But, I started getting used to the life here; I adjusted pretty well to the new environment. It is a totally different life for me, a whole lot of new challenges, and a whole new level of independence which is now working well I guess. There will always be new hardships along the way, the never-ending saga of troubles but you just have to know that you have it in you to overcome the bad phase in life and move on; you really need to have faith in yourself;you need to see the silver lining in the cloud.


6 Apr

Recently, I have sort of accepted the fact that things will change for the better sooner or later. I have come to know that all we can do is continue with our lives even during the hardest times, even when you feel like there is no other alternate path that you can follow. And, as if by some miracle, things turn around for the good.Well, even when things don’t exactly turn around for the good, you know, when they just change to something we hadn’t anticipated, we get used to it and after a while that adaptation feels so easy that we feel things have become much better. Consider a simple example of getting in to a school. We all might have had different schools that we wanted to go to (which we didn’t). And, hence we “settle for” some other school, maybe even one where we had never thought of setting a foot in. We go there, we make friends, create different memories. Gradually, we start thinking like it was always supposed to be; it feels like it was better that we didn’t get into the one that we wanted to get in in the first place. And, we even start imagining that if given a chance to do it all over again, we would definitely not aim for our first choice of school. So, even if things don’t exactly turn all happy and bright, time definitely creates a comfortable pattern to which we can fit in.


26 Jun

Okay! So I know people won’t check the essays I had written previously as samples while preparing for IELTS examination but still I wanted to correct the mistakes I had made there. Well I had not taken preparation classes in an institute so I had almost no practice for writing and speaking. Sure I used to look in the mirror and speak in the allocated time, write essays and such but who could evaluate that? This is not an excuse for my horribly-wrong writing style, but I just wanted to explain it. The opening line of my essays is incorrect (really shows how well prepared I was while writing these, right?). I have copied the essay topics as they were. Never, and I mean NEVER do this. You can paraphrase it, twist it around, or do anything but don’t copy it down. This may even result in loosing marks.

Another thing is about diagram explanations. I haven’t written them here but I wanted to say something about them as well. You are given a diagram of some sort, it maybe a chart or a process diagram and you need to explain it. There is word limit mentioned. And while you get penalized for writing in less words, writing more than mentioned won’t cost you marks(as the rules suggest). Nevertheless, over-lengthy writing is also not that appreciated so you have to try your best to manage it in the given word count. While comparing diagrams, remember to use words and phrases such as doubled, five times as that in, soared high, peaked in, plummeted, rose dramatically, declined steadily rather than using rose and fell. And, also don’t waste your time comparing each and every detail; take some time to understand the diagram and pick out only the MAJOR points. These tips will be mentioned in the books as well.

The last thing, for the second task, you need to be careful while selecting the phrases. Instead of writing “obviously”, you can write “there is not a shadow of doubt over the fact that”. You can use “there is a school of thought that”, “it has been said for years that” and phrases like that. While starting, it might be helpful to say “some people think that….while others argue…” or “the matter of….is among the many that have attracted a lot of attention and caused debate over the years”. There are others like these as well. I just mean that instead of writing it plainly, you need to give it a bit literary touch but not just by using big words and all. You don’t need to make it complex, but replace some common words and stuff so that they sound better while reading. And, don’t start your first paragraph with “first and foremost” and second by “secondly” as I have done. Use the phrases in their place; it certainly enhances the quality.

I am no expert in this matter and I don’t have that great score in writing to show. But, these tips really helped me a lot and I just wanted to share them.